
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7794412.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      The_Hobbit_-_All_Media_Types, The_Lord_of_the_Rings_-_J._R._R._Tolkien
  Relationship:
      Bilbo_Baggins/Thorin_Oakenshield, Dwalin/Ori_(Tolkien), Bofur/Nori_
      (Tolkien), Gimli_(Son_of_Glóin)/Legolas_Greenleaf
  Character:
      Thorin's_Company, The_grumpy_mischievious_wizard, a.k.a., Gandalf, the
      gay_shipper, Thranduil_is_fabulous_as_always, Legolas, Lord_of_the_Rings
      gang, Thief!Bilbo_-_Character
  Additional Tags:
      NO_SMEAGOL!, I_HAVE_NIGHTMARES_ABOUT_THAT_CREEP!, an_actual_BAMF_Thief
      Bilbo, Nori_and_Bilbo_bond, Fíli_and_Kíli_Are_Little_Shits, like_that's
      surprising, Alternate_Universe, Smaug_doesn't_take_over_Erebor, He_takes
      over_Rivendale!, didn't_see_that_one_coming_did_ya?, Hobbiton_is_pretty
      damn_close, Hobbiton_is_starting_to_be_called_Horrorton, Yavanna_made
      Hobbits_and_dots_on_them_constantly, she's_a_worrywort_helicopter_mom,
      with_good_reason, so_she_gives_them_a_way_to_protect_themselves, Aulë_is
      the_exact_opposite, Thorin_wants_to_give_him_a_piece_of_his_mind, Slow
      Burn, too_-_Freeform, Many_-_Freeform, Tags
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-08-21 Updated: 2016-08-23 Chapters: 2/? Words: 1007
****** The Worst Plan In The History Of Plans Gandalf!!! ******
by littleberd
Summary
     Smaug settles himself in Rivendale of all places, the Shire becomes
     like Dale, with the combined help of the Fell Winter.
     Bilbo's parents are dead, no one takes him in, and Yavanna weeps for
     her children. So she does something not entirely legal with the
     Valor... She revives the fairy qualities in what little remains of
     the Hobbit race.
     The gold sickness is becoming far worse than anything recorded
     before... And legend says the only way to reverse it is to have the
     heart of a fairy, heh, Aulë wasn't specific whether it be literal or
     metaphorical.
     Gandalf comes to Bilbo Baggins with a hairbrained plan that gives the
     poor lad very little hope but plenty of determination, after all...
     He'd do anything to keep Frodo safe from harm... And less and less
     food is being grown with Smaug's malicious aura leeching into the
     crops.
     What's a Hobbit to do?
***** Signs from the Green Lady *****
Belladonna walks peacefully, arms full with the picnic basket full of fresh
produce from the Bradybucks down the lane. A yank on her ankle and up her leg
has her landing on a soft patch of daisy's.
"What in the blessed Green Lady's name-", Belladonna's befuddlement becomes
even worse, the culprit of her fall is wrapped securely around her leg, a long
vine from a blackberry bush, thorns suspiciously pointed away from her skin,
and would have been caught on her legs far sooner rather than wrapped around
her limb like-like," Like a shackle..."
Belladonna's breath catches, she analyzes the vegitation around her, among the
cluster of daisies she had landed on is a flamingo flower, anthurium, a single
blossom, near kissing her belly button with it's closeness. Baby's breath
tickling her ear with a fresh warm breeze.
A grin, that is inherently Took-ish, takes over her face. She quickly frees
herself of the shackle-like blackberry vine, not a single thorn touching her in
her movements to gain freedom. She quickly collects what little food had
escaped her basket, and skips to her Smial she shares with her lovable husband.
She would have to have been blind not to see the signs after all. The poor
respectable Baggins Hobbit, Bungo Baggins, faints on the spot when his wife
tells him the happy news.
**********
Belladonna holds her newly born treasure to her chest, cuuing over her precious
baby boy.
"What should we name him darling?" Bungo asks, face filled with wonder, his
son's tiny hand cuddling his finger to his body.
Belladonna smirks, her sense of humor blatantly singing with her pearly white
teeth, "Well, since Yavanna found it fit to shackle me with the vines of a
Blackberry Bush to give me a sign... I will call our son Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins."
Bungo frowned at the name, the synonym to that name had him scrunching in
confusion, " You're going to name him shackles?"
A gurgle of slober bubbles on the baby's lips, his finger is shaken by his baby
boy, effectively shutting his father's objections to the name, and feelings of
endearment curl around the Hobbit's heart.
"Well Bilbo, nice to make your acquaintance... Bungo Baggins... At your service
my boy."
**********
***** The Desolation of Smaug and The Fell Winter *****
No one saw him coming. The fire drake blotted out the sun over Rivendale,
that's all the warning the elves got. They were I'll prepared for the Beast, it
killed near everyone. Except a few that had gone out in a hunting party.
The twin heir's of Elrond were spaired, but wisely left their lineage behind,
big names tend to give Orc's bigger targets after all.
The refugees collected in Bree, Hobbiton, and the Shire. Although the men
didn't offer shelter without pay, the Hobbits welcomed them into their homes
with open arms. Although they typically had to crouch to enter and walk about
Smials... They made, seeing as their pride didn't have to bend.
The twins stayed at Belladonna and Bungo Baggins's Smial seeing as the lady
hobbit had known their father and even baby-sat them in their younger years ,
Belladonna being one of the few hobbits to ever leave the Shire.
And the twins basically switched roles with Belladonna in that respect.
Practically adopting the growing Bilbo Baggins and many of his cousins into
their Elvish mischief.Their prank wars were legendary.
But as all things good must come to an end... The coldest and most vile of
winters destroyed their hopes of happy days.
The Brandywine froze over, just a day after an Orc scouting party was spotted
just north of Bree. The Orcs struck fast in the dead of night. Killing the
Raiders, and the denizens of Bree first, then came Hobbiton, and finally the
gluttonous creatures, having eaten their fill. Openly camped just outside of
the Shire.
They truthfully didn't know that the Shire actually existed. They thought it
was just rolling fields for cattle and crops. They would have moved on in the
morning, had the head of each house not been stationed outside each Smial...
Marking where each Hobbit Hole was.
The Orcs sent into their Wargs to do the dirty work, chewing their way through
the various meat they had dragged with them through the snow.
Yavanna, bless the green lady, wept at knowing her children would be extinct if
something was not done.
So she did something many of the Valar would shake their heads at. She awoke
the fairy blood in the fauntlings of the Shire, the transformation being less
painful for children so pure. Giving them attributes in their sleep.
The Hobbit Gents outside of their Smials were slaughtered on their own
doorsteps. The mothers and elderly were next. However, they could not find the
children.
No matter how much they sniffed, the Wargs could find no trace of a
mouthwatering tender fauntling... Or elfling for that matter, the twins still
being young and Yavanna having cast her gift on all the children in the shire,
be they hobbit or elf.
The only thing remotely out of place were the plants growing in the beds of the
fauntlings and elflings. The Wargs soon left, and with them their masters.
Once dawn painted the world in warm colors, the blood of the Children's parents
and elderly sunk into the snow. And with dawn the plants growing in the
children's beds bloomed a single giant blossom, the children slipping out from
within it and onto their beds.
The plants took root on their chests and into their hearts, the vegitation
moving with a mind of it's own, curling into a single seed within their
breasts.
They each awoke with a start, memories of what happened that night grouped
together in one bitter pill Yavanna had planted in their minds.
They had been put to sleep and turned into plants during their slumber in order
to protect them. Their elders had been killed by Orcs, and Wargs.
Yavanna had saved them. But now the children were faced with a new problem. How
were they going to survive now?
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